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17-Mar-2016 19:39

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We plan our career, our fitness, our diet - and yet we think romance will just walk into our lives - *KABOOM* just like that!Once I took charge of Wellington dating, I ended up meeting my boyfriend Matt on my first ever Tinder date. Or maybe a result of some damn hard work and missteps along the way.I would go where no girl I personally knew at that time (it was 2014 guys) had gone before. I also joined OK Cupid for good measure, having heard about it from Amy Webb's book and being keen to give it a try. So if you are wondering about whether to make the plunge, my advice would be to go for it!Wellington is a small town - that is true But once you release your expectations and get outside your comfort zone, simply noticing how someone makes you feel rather than obsessing over how you come across and whether they like you, you may just find that the bluebird of happiness might just be in your own backyard..waiting for you at Plum Cafe on Cuba Street.When I had my previous iteration of 'The Residents', I may have been guilty of writing a not-very-good post or two about this topic.

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THIS IS NOT OK and is something I thought would make my life better for years. I thought I just couldn't seem to meet the right person in Wellington because the city was too small. Besides the basic "am I repulsed by them" distinction, I would become so seduced by the idea of being in a relationship that I'd ignore whether they were up to my own standards. When you are focused on portraying the best side of yourself to impress them rather than actually just being your lovely natural self because you think its not This led to several ill-fated romances where I ended up being let down by people who were frankly below me, to begin with. Let's cut to the chase: Wellington a small place to date.

In actual fact, dating him was like trying to make a cake with just flour and milk. It was suddenly apparent to me that despite my denial, I was very lonely. Really, I was just an undercover dreamer who wanted to find cheesy no-one-puts-baby-in-the-corner romance as much as the rest of them.

I never really felt like I was properly considered as a serious option by people *opps, Lucy - there goes the world's smallest violin player just for you*. In fact, let me pause here: I suspect the 'cool girl/guy' trope was a specific stealth invention on boy-kind to keep twenty-something folk from telling their lover to stick it when they're being a jerk. I used to be always focused on how I looked to the other person first and foremost.

Dating comes in many stages in Wellington - and it is important before anything else to accept where you are at.

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If you are eighteen and looking to settle down, I'm sorry buddy but you may find a few heartbreaks along the way.For example, while you are a student no one has any money and friends come first - so romance is likely to fall to the bottom of the priorities list after buying shopping, rent and getting a 12 pack. But even then, more often than not it ends up being stuck in between work, chores, side-projects or a casual 'come over later'. To sum up: I always struggled with dating because there seemed to be no rules. )I'd recently seen Amy Webb's TED talk about 'How I hacked online dating' which, despite the misleading title (spoiler: she didn't ACTUALLY hack it) had some incredibly useful tips about how to embrace this brave new world. With Tinder, the premise was clear: we were going on a date. I started getting messages and by the time I finished my first date with a tall ginger headed chap who made me laugh so much I snorted into my Thai food, I was convinced that Tinder wasn't so bad.



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